Addiction stories: How I recovered from my addiction to crystal meth– Clear lessons and choices on drug abuse
May 29, 2009 – 8:28 amBy the time I was done with my addiction to crystal meth, I had racked up 4 arrests, 9 felonies, a $750,000 bail, a year in jail, and an eight year suspended sentence to go along with my 5 year probation period.
The kid my parents knew was going nowhere, and fast. That’s why I was surprised when they came to my rescue after 3 years of barely speaking to them. My lawyer recommended that I check into a rehab facility immediately; treating my drug abuse problem was our only line of defense.
I had long known that I had an addiction problem when I first checked myself into rehab. Still, my reason for going in was my legal trouble. Within 3 months, I was using again, but the difference was that this time, I felt bad about it. I had changed in those first three months. The daily discussions in the treatment facility, my growing relationship with my parents, and a few sober months (more than I had had in years) were doing their job. I relapsed as soon as I went back to work in my studio, which was a big trigger for me, but using wasn’t any fun this time.
I ended up being kicked out of that facility for providing a positive urine test. My parents were irate. I felt ashamed though I began using daily immediately. My real lesson came when I dragged myself from my friend’s couch to an AA meeting one night. I walked by a homeless man who was clearly high when the realization hit me:
I was one step away from becoming like this man.
You see, when I was in the throes of my addiction, I had money because I was selling drugs. I had a great car, a motorcycle, an apartment and my own recording studio. After my arrest though, all of that had been taken away. I just made matters worse by getting myself thrown out of what was serving as my home, leaving myself to sleep on a friend’s couch for the foreseeable future.
Something had to change.
I woke up the next morning, smoked some meth, and drove straight to an outpatient drug program offered by my health insurance. I missed the check in time for that day, but I was told to come back the next morning, which I did. I talked to a counselor, explained my situation, and was given a list of sober-living homes to check out.
As I did this, I kept going to the program’s outpatient meetings, high, but ready to make a change. I was going to do anything I could so as not to end up homeless, or a lifetime prisoner. I had no idea how to stop doing the one thing that had been constant in my life since the age of 15, but I was determined to find out.
When I showed up at the sober-living facility that was to be the place where I got sober, I was so high I couldn’t face the intake staff. I wore sunglasses indoors at 6 PM. My bags were searched, I was shown to my room, and the rest of my life began.
I wasn’t happy to be sober, but I was happier doing what these people told me than I was fighting the cops, the legal system, and the drugs. I had quite a few missteps, but I took my punishments without a word, knowing they were nothing compared to the suffering I’d experience if I left that place.
Overall, I have one message to those struggling with getting clean:
If you want to get past the hump of knowing you have a problem but not knowing what to do about it, the choice has to be made clear. This can’t be a game of subtle changes. No one wants to stop using if the alternative doesn’t seem a whole lot better. For most of us, that means hitting a bottom so low that I can’t be ignored. You get to make the choice of what the bottom will be for you.
You don’t have to almost die, but you might; losing a job could be enough, but if you miss that sign, the next could be the streets; losing your spouse will sometimes do it, but if not, losing your shared custody will hurt even more.
At each one of these steps, you get to make a choice – Do I want things to get worse or not?
Ask yourself that question while looking at the price you’ve paid up to now. If you’re willing to go even lower for that next hit, I say go for it. If you think you want to stop but can’t seem to really grasp just how far you’ve gone, get a friend you trust, a non-using friend, and have them tell you how they see the path your life has taken.
It’s going to take a fight to get out, but if I beat my addiction, you can beat yours.
By now, I’m close to finishing my Ph.D. at UCLA, one of the top universities in the world. I study addiction research, and publish this addiction blog. I also have my mind set on changing the way our society deals with drug abuse and addiction. Given everything I’ve accomplished by now, the choice should have seemed clear before my arrest – but it wasn’t. I hope that by sharing addiction stories, including mine, we can start that process.
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Tags: addiction stories, arrest, bail, cocaine, crystal meth, drug abuse, felony, homeless, ice, jail, marijuana, meth, meth addict, my addiction, outpatient, parole, prison, probation, problem, recovery, sober-living, Speed, stealing, substance abuse
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5 Responses to “Addiction stories: How I recovered from my addiction to crystal meth– Clear lessons and choices on drug abuse”
This was a fantastic post. I’m glad you shared a bit of your journey. That part about not liking being sober but liking not being arrested was good. It takes a while to get used to being sober. I think that’s not only because it’s a new way of life, but it’s a new brain chemistry too.
What a tremendous success story!
By GentlePath on May 30, 2009
I really liked this post. Can I copy it to my site? Thank you in advance.
By AndrewBoldman on Jun 4, 2009
I really liked this story I have recently been looking up articles and reading storys on meth. My bf is an addict im trying to help him. He is ready to he wants to quit he just started a AA meeting yersterday and he did it on his own im so happy for him. He is trying so hard to stop his tired of it and Im there to support him it’s hard and the withdrawals are terrible for him but I tell him he can do it.He just has to keep on trying there is life on the other side of the crystal pipe!!
By Esmeralda on Sep 30, 2009
I’m a 38 year old mother of 4 children, ranging from the ages of 14 to 18 years of age. My husband has been a crack/cocaine addict since my youngest son was born. We have been together on and off for the past 20 years. Throughout this time, he had other relationships and so did I but we would always end up back together. At this time we are presently divorced but lived together up until last week. You see, time and time again, he uses, steals from my children and lies. Time after time, I keep taking him back. He’s tried rehab, 12 steps (but never completed), sponsors, out patient care, but nothing seems to work. For the past two months, he had kept clean. I had been giving him “privileges” as time went on, such as letting him take my children to Dr. appointments, letting him stay at home by himself, giving him small amounts of money (supervised). Last week, he took my truck to take my son to an appointment and never came back. I got that old familiar feeling that something was wrong, well, I was right. I eventually made some calls to police officers (which happen to be friends of mine) and I found my truck parked around the corner from a “crack house”. I picked up my truck and left, at this point, he still had my house keys. I did not hear from him until the following morning. I was very upset, disappointed, confused and needless to say, I felt betrayed. He told me to meet him at a close by store and told him he could not come back to the house. He told me he had a slip and he wanted to come back. I said no and demanded he give me my house keys which he refused to do so. I left to work. In the meantime, my oldest son was at home. He called my son and told him he would give him the keys and again to meet him at the store. My son went to the store and which time, he went to the house (while my son was at the store) at stole my children’s X-Box and some games. My son now feels betrayed by his father and doesn’t want to have anything to do with him, this is not the first time he does this type of thing to him. Since the day this happened, my husband had been out on the street and I really don’t know where. He sends me texts with messages like “God forgive you”. I guess he knows that I feel guilty about not letting him come back home. Did I make the right decision? Please advise……………..
By diamonds on Mar 8, 2010
Diamonds, that’s one hell of a story, so much so that I’d love to publish it on the site one day.
In regards to your question: The right decision is an elusive concept since no one can know what the outcome would be if you made any one of a whole set of different decisions. In my opinion, you made the right decision save for one other option: Sending him back to a long-term residential treatment.
Your (ex)husband sounds like a classic chronically relapsing addict. As I’ve talked about in other posts, for someone like your husband, I believe long term, like 6-12 month treatment, is necessary.
No doubt, such an option can be expensive unless he can go to a Salvation Army or similar option. Additionally, you may simply be too sick of him to put in the effort and I don’t think anyone would blame you…
If you feel like it, send me an email and I’ll see if I can help you find a place.
Adi Jaffe´s last blog ..What makes the 12 steps (and other social support groups) a good part of addiction treatment aftercare?
By Adi Jaffe on Mar 8, 2010