Crystal meth addiction and the Miracle of Letting Go

December 12th, 2011

This is a guest post by Cathy Taughinbaugh of Treatment Talk.org.

I am a parent of an addict. I would say looking back, that I was naive and in denial about the drug use in my home. The last two years of high school for my daughter were challenging. One day of her senior year, I found what looked like drugs in her back pack. We were divorced, but I showed them to her father who decided to take them to the police station to find out what they were. When we were told the drugs were crystal meth, we were both shocked and frightened. Two nephews of my daughter’s dad had become addicted to crystal meth. One is now serving a long term sentence in a California prison and the other was killed, so as you can imagine he was concerned about this drug use in particular. We came together, sat our daughter down and she told us she didn’t use drugs, but was carrying them for a friend. She said she knew that it was wrong to be doing that for someone else, burst into tears, and yes, we believed her. Looking back I realize how much in denial we really were.

She went away to college in Colorado. We sent her off, and she went away with the best of intentions. Her grades that freshman year were abysmal. She was on probation her first semester, flunked out the second semester and then went to summer school at the local junior college. She managed to get herself back in for the fall of her sophomore year. Things did not improve, and her grades went from bad to worse. She decided to quit school for the next semester and work. Her dad and I needed to let go of the college dream because we finally realized she was wasting our money, and wasting her life. She did find a part time job at a local pet store, but it seemed her hours were getting less and less. For some reason she had trouble getting to work, and finally could not keep her job. By June we were emotionally exhausted. We agreed to one more month’s rent. We sent it, but both of us felt, that this was the last bit of help we could give her. Yet, I still wasn’t clear what the problem was.

The idea of having my 19 year old daughter living on the streets, was terrorizing. I went back in late June to see what I could do and to find out more. In addition, to not having a job or any obvious means of support, to my surprise, she had bought a Rottweiler puppy, named Bella. We decided one day during my visit to take the dog on a walk in the hills on a hot 80+ degree day. She had on a long sleeve t-shirt which surprised me for such a hot day and during the walk, I made several comments about how hot she must be.

Finally, walking behind her, it became clear to me that she was deliberately covering her arms. I began to panic. I went up to her, touched her arm, and said, “You should at least pull your sleeves up.” She sharply pulled her arm away and I knew.  I was really numb for quite awhile as we continued down the hill, I didn’t know what to say, and prayed that this was some kind of mistake.  Finally, I confronted her in the parking lot. She would not show me her arms, and we both just burst into tears. I began naming off drugs. Of course starting with heroin, but when I mentioned crystal meth, she nodded. I could not believe my daughter who had been a girl scout, and a member of the high school water polo team among other things, was shooting up crystal meth.

I told her I was not going to leave her in Colorado, and she said the only way she would come home was if we brought her dog, Bella. So we did. Luckily, for all of us, she was willing to get into drug treatment.  She went to an outdoor wilderness program in Utah for five weeks and then on to Safe Harbor Residential Drug Treatment Center for Women in Costa Mesa for three months. She lived for about six months in a Safe Harbor Sober Living home. Her dad found a loving home for her dog. Bella.

We have been very lucky with our daughter, because she finally did decide to make some good choices. Her recovery has not been perfect, but I have been forever grateful that she did not have the dramatic relapses that so many addicts and  parents have had to go through.

After six years, she continues to do well, earning her college degree in southern California in June of 2009, and now works at a job in her field that she enjoys. She has moved on with her life, but what she has learned, in treatment is still close to her heart. She is indeed a changed person, and would not be the person she is today, had addiction not entered her life.

What I have learned is this. Addiction comes into your life for a reason. I was most likely living in a fog until drug addiction entered my life, and it was the wake up call I needed to pay attention, look at my life choices and seek inner peace and serenity. There is no finish line for addiction, not for the addict nor for the addict’s parents. We both continue on, the addict hopefully managing their disease and their parents hoping that their child manages their disease.

The greatest gift I have learned from this whole experience is that addiction does not discriminate as well as the importance of letting go. Addiction can enter any family, regardless of their race, economic situation or upbringing. Letting go does not mean I lose interest in my child or their struggles. Letting go means I love and respect my child, but I let them follow their path and find their own way to recovery if that is their choice. I will offer them resources if I am able, but I will let go of trying to control their disease.

For most of us parents, that is the hardest lesson, that lesson of letting go. We want to fix our children’s problems and make everything better. It breaks our hearts, and goes against what the word “parent” stands for. It is however necessary, not only when our child is an addict, but when any of our children reach adulthood and are ready to spread their wings. We need to let go and let our children fly alone.

Posted in:  Education Tags: addict, addiction, crystal meth, daughter, Family of addict, life, meth, Parents of addict

Addiction stories: How I recovered from my addiction to crystal meth

October 15th, 2011

By the time I was done with my addiction to crystal meth, I had racked up 4 arrests, 9 felonies, a $750,000 bail, a year in jail, and an eight year suspended sentence to go along with my 5 year probation period. Though I think education is important to keep getting the message out about addiction and drug abuse, there is no doubt that addiction stories do a great job of getting the message across, so here goes.

My crystal meth addiction story

The kid my parents knew was going nowhere, and fast. That’s why I was surprised when they came to my rescue after 3 years of barely speaking to them. My lawyer recommended that I check into a rehab facility immediately; treating my drug abuse problem was our only line of legal defense.

I had long known that I had an addiction problem when I first checked myself into rehab. Still, my reason for going in was my legal trouble. Within 3 months, I was using crystal meth again, but the difference was that this time, I felt bad about it. I had changed in those first three months. The daily discussions in the addiction treatment facility, my growing relationship with my parents, and a few sober months (more sobriety than I had in years) were doing their job. I relapsed as soon as I went back to work in my studio, which was a big trigger for me, but using wasn’t any fun this time.

I ended up being kicked out of that facility for providing a meth-positive urine test. My parents were irate. I felt ashamed though I began using daily immediately. My real lesson came when I dragged myself from my friend’s couch to an AA meeting one night. I walked by a homeless man who was clearly high when the realization hit me:

I was one step away from becoming like this man.

You see, when I was in the throes of my crystal meth addiction, I had money because I was selling drugs. I had a great car, a motorcycle, an apartment and my own recording studio. After my arrest though, all of that had been taken away. I just made matters worse by getting myself thrown out of what was serving as my home, leaving myself to sleep on a friend’s couch for the foreseeable future.

Something had to change.

I woke up the next morning, smoked some meth, and drove straight to an outpatient drug program offered by my health insurance. I missed the check-in time for that day, but I was told to come back the next morning, which I did. I talked to a counselor, explained my situation, and was given a list of sober-living homes to check out.

As I did this, I kept going to the program’s outpatient meetings, high on crystal meth, but ready to make a change. I was going to do anything I could so as not to end up homeless, or a lifetime prisoner. I had no idea how to stop doing the one thing that had been constant in my life since the age of 15, but I was determined to find out.

When I showed up at the sober-living facility that was to be the place where I got sober, I was so high I couldn’t face the intake staff. I wore sunglasses indoors at 6 PM. My bags were searched, I was shown to my room, and the rest of my life began.

I wasn’t happy to be sober, but I was happier doing what these people told me than I was fighting the cops, the legal system, and the drugs. I had quite a few missteps, but I took my punishments without a word, knowing they were nothing compared to the suffering I’d experience if I left that place.

Overall, I have one message to those struggling with getting clean:

If you want to get past the hump of knowing you have a problem but not knowing what to do about it, the choice has to be made clear. This can’t be a game of subtle changes. No one wants to stop using if the alternative doesn’t seem a whole lot better. For most of us, that means hitting a bottom so low that I can’t be ignored. You get to make the choice of what the bottom will be for you.

You don’t have to almost die, but you might; losing a job could be enough, but if you miss that sign, the next could be the streets; losing your spouse will sometimes do it, but if not, losing your shared custody will hurt even more.

At each one of these steps, you get to make a choice – Do I want things to get worse or not?

Ask yourself that question while looking at the price you’ve paid up to now. If you’re willing to go even lower for that next hit, I say go for it. If you think you want to stop but can’t seem to really grasp just how far you’ve gone, get a friend you trust, a non-using friend, and have them tell you how they see the path your life has taken.

It’s going to take a fight to get out, but if I beat my addiction, you can beat yours.

By now, I’ve received my Ph.D. from UCLA, one of the top universities in the world. I study addiction research, and publish this addiction blog along with a Psychology Today column and a number of academic journals. I also have my mind set on changing the way our society deals with drug abuse and addiction. Given everything I’ve accomplished by now, the choice should have seemed clear before my arrest – but it wasn’t. I hope that by sharing addiction stories, including mine, we can start that process.

Posted in:  Addiction Stories, Alcohol, Cocaine, Drugs, Drugs, Education, Marijuana, Meth, Sex, Sex Tags: addiction, addiction recovery, addiction stories, arrest, bail, choice, cocaine, crystal, crystal meth, crystal meth addiction, drug abuse, drug use, felony, homeless, ice, jail, marijuana, meth, meth addict, my addiction, outpatient, parole, prison, probation, problem, recovery, rehabs, sober, sober-living, Speed, stealing, substance abuse

Calling bullshit on addiction treatment bullies

March 6th, 2011

About three years ago, I was attending a national conference on public health (American Public Health Association) and presenting my posters on the relationship between drug use and violence, and sexually transmitted infections and injecting drugs. As I walked the aisles I ran into a woman who runs a Florida addiction “treatment” facility. We talked for a bit about my work, her facility, and then we shared some of our personal stories. Mine included meth addiction, jail, recovery, and now graduate school studying addictions. Everything was great until I mentioned that I now drink alcohol socially… “We’ll save a seat for you” she told me as she handed me her business card. Idiot.

Recovery bullies and addiction treatment

As soon as my version of recovery from addiction didn’t match her expectations, it was an immediate failure. Forget the 6 years I’d spent free from crystal meth use, the excellent graduate school career that was producing real results I was there to present. Forget the fact that my family, my bosses, and my girlfriend at the time thought I was doing amazingly well – As far as this woman was concerned it was her way, or her way. Well I call bullshit on that thinking once and for all.

Unfortunately for her, the research evidence, as well as the actual human evidence that I’ve seen, shows that recovery from addiction comes in many colors and flavors, like pretty much everything else in life. We’ve covered research on all about addiction before showing that the best evidence to date actually calls into question the idea that relapse is the necessary disaster so many paint it as. The fact that the majority of those who meet criteria for drug dependence at some point in their life actually recover on their won is also there, and although this does nothing to reduce the impact of addiction on all those who have an incredibly difficult time quitting, it’s there and can’t be ignored. Drug dependence is almost certainly not a one size problem and the solution is probably far from a one-size-fits-all, no matter how much you like your own solution.

So there’s cognitive behavioral therapy, peer support solutions (like SMART Recovery, Rational Recovery, Life Ring, 12 Step groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, and more), medication-supported recovery (like Suboxone, Methadone, Vivitrol and more), Motivational interviewing and other Motivational Enhancement techniques, as well as a whole host of psychotheraputic approaches that are more eclectic. No research we have to date indicates that any of these approaches is necessarily more effective than others, which means that they are all essentially equally effective. We’ve already talked about some combinations that work very well together, like PHP programs for physicians, but there is absolutely nothing to indicate that the 12-steps (for examples) are somehow superior to CBT, or Rational Recovery, when it comes to treating addiction.

If you get better, you’re a success in my book

When it comes down to it, whether this Florida 12-stepper likes it or not, I am still a social drinker and I still don’t believe that this nullifies any of my other achievements or my successful recovery. More importantly, it doesn’t nullify the success of millions of others, no matter how poorly it fits with some people’s notions. When a life gets overrun by drug use or another addiction, a successful outcome to me means recapturing a functional life that is no longer dictated by the pursuit of that addictive behavior. Anything more or less is a personal preference sort of thing. The problem with these idiots who will absolutely ignore success because it doesn’t conform to their expectations is that they drive people out of treatment and away from success and that is not okay. I’ll continue to call them out for their narrow mindedness and hopefully eventually, their voice will be far from the dominant one.

Posted in:  Education Tags: 12 step, addiction, Alcohol, alcoholics anonymous, CBT, crystal meth, drug, drug dependence, drug use, Drugs, graduate school, MI, motivational, motivational interviewing, public health, recovery, relapse

Alcoholism , Sniffing Bath Salts, and Prescription Medication Abuse

January 17th, 2011

If you care about addiction you’re going to want to read our weekly update from across the globe. It’ll make you smarter – promise (at least when it comes to alcohol and drug abuse issues)!

Drug Abuse – Vaccines to treat addictions, and Sniffing Bath Salts

Medical News Today-A biochemical breakthrough by researchers at Cornell  produces a unique vaccine that combines bits of the common cold virus with a particle that mimics cocaine. Researchers believe the vaccine could be tailored to treat other addictions, such as to nicotine, heroin, and methamphetamine. While similar to other vaccine discussions we’ve had here, the method and generalizability here are of specific interest.

BBC News-Publicity of scholastic journals back fired on Dr. David E. Nichols as drug makers profit off his research findings. Dr. Nichols says while some drugs can be manufactured in the kitchen the scale to which these “legal high” drugs are produced indicates some small companies are involved.

Fox News.com- A new “drug abuse” trend of sniffing bath salts to try to get high is emerging in Louisiana and is creating a issue for the Louisiana Poison Center. It appears that more kids are attempting this “trend” resulting in of paranoia, hallucinations, delusions, as well as hypertension and chest pain. The problem’s gotten so bad in the state that the Governor had to make the active ingredient in the bath salts illegal. The bath salts contain a chemical called “Mephadrone and Methylenedioxypyrovalerone or MDPV, which is known to be a stimulant that may also cause paranoia and hostility.

Alcoholism – Studies and Personal Stories about alcohol

Science Daily- A new study has been conducted which shows that midlife alcohol consumption may be related to dementia which is often assessed about 20 years later. The study found that both abstainers and heavy drinkers had a greater risk for dementia and cognitive impairment than light drinkers. Again, it seems that drinking no-alcohol is associated with risk factors and outcomes that are not as ideal as moderate consumption and somewhat similar to heavy drinking.

Counselor Magazine Blog- Everyone loves watching a good and inspirational movie from time to time. The new movie “Country Strong” deals with many issues that everyday individuals face such as alcoholism, mental illness, co-dependency, ageism, and grief. These are elements that a person goes through when they are dealing with alcoholism. The movie depicts that alcoholism is a family disease and does not affect just the alcoholic. Another great point that the movie shows is that if there are underlying issues that are often not resolved that relapse is very common.

Prescription Drug abuse and death

Reuters- A new study has found that an increasing amount of individuals are dying from abusing and misusing prescription drugs as well as illegal drugs. In recent times deaths from “accidental poisonings” or overdose are more than ten times higher than they were in the late 1960s. This increase in drug deaths is higher across almost all age groups than it was in previous decades, especially amongst white Americans.

Chicago Sun Times- Prescription drug abuse is a growing problem in our country, and deaths from unintentional drug overdoses in the US have increased five-fold over the last two decades. The drugs that are commonly causing these deaths are particularly painkillers such as OxyContin (oxycodone), Vicodin (hydrocodone) and fentanyl. What many individuals do not realize is prescription drugs can be much more deadly than illegal drugs. In 2007 alone, abuse of prescription painkillers was responsible for more overdose deaths than heroin and cocaine combined. Prescription painkillers, most of which are opioids, are synthetic versions of opium used to relieve moderate to severe chronic pain, however in large and excessive quantities, they can suppress a person’s ability to breathe and are very dangerous when they are mixed with alcohol or other drugs.

Posted in:  Education Tags: about addiction, addiction, Alcohol, alcoholism, bath salts, BBC, cocaine, Country Strong, crystal meth, death, drug, drug abuse, Drugs, heroin, illegal drugs, methamphetamine, new study, nicotine, opiates, overdose, prescription, prescription drug, prescription drug abuse, prescription drugs, sniffing bath salts, stories, vaccine

Addiction Treatment Admissions in the United States: Everyone, meet TEDS

January 14th, 2011

Dirk Hanson

What a difference a decade makes.

Between 1998 and 2008, addiction treatment admissions in the U.S. increased markedly for methamphetamine (crystal meth), prescription opiates, and marijuana. Treatment admissions for alcohol and cocaine declined over the same period, while heroin admissions remained roughly the same.

The Treatment Episode Data Set (TEDS), which the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) uses to compile its report, includes only those addiction treatment facilities that receive state alcohol or drug agency funds, and which are represented in state administrative data systems. Despite this caveat, the TEDS study matters, because states use reports of this kind to shift limited resources from one treatment focus to another, based on demand. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in:  Drugs, Education, Treatment Tags: addiction, addiction treatment admissions, admission, admission rate, admissions, cocaine, crystal meth, heroin, legalization, marijuana, methamphetamine, opiate, prescription drugs, SAMHSA, TEDS, treatment, treatment admission, treatment admission rate, treatment admissions

About Addiction: Marijuana use, cigarette smoking, and crystal meth

December 27th, 2010

Hey ! After a brief period of inactivity we are back and better as always ready to provide you with your 30 minute tidbit of information about addiction. If you want to learn more about marijuana use, (cigarette) smoking, and addiction stigma then read on!

Marijuana use: Harmless?

Fox News- While many think that Marijuana a harmless drug (read our marijuana driving input), a guy high on weed drove his car into a group of cyclists in Italy. Eight cyclists were killed and an additional four people were injured. This accident can serve as a lesson that marijuana is not as “harmless” as a lot of people make it out to be. Educating the public about the dangers of driving under the influence of marijuana may help in preventing future incidents.

The Dome-Nobody is a stranger to the fact that voters in a number of states have been trying to legalize marijuana. But Illinois legislators just went the other way and struck down a bill which would allow medical marijuana to be legal. The legislators stuck this down with the fear that if this practice were legalized then there would be widespread use of marijuana. Right now fifteen states (and Washington DC) allow the use of medical marijuana but apparently Illinois decided they are not going to be the sixteenth.

Psychology Today- Can recreational pot smokers become addicted to marijuana? A large number of individuals only smoke marijuana recreationally and do not ever become addicted (see here), but about 10% to 30% of regular users will develop marijuana dependence (my vote is actually probably more for the 10%-20% range). About 9% will have a serious addition. Marijuana use in the U.S. has gone through quite an evolution from its early introduction in the 1970’s as an anti war statement to today when it is mostly used by teenagers and those who have been smoking for a long time. Most individuals quit when they are parents or homeowners (which is true of most drugs by the way), and this contributes to the thinking by some that marijuana is not very addictive.

Quitting smokingthrough personal stories

Bloomsburg Buisnessweek- Anti-smoking advertisements have been relying on fear appeals to persuade individuals to avoid or quit smoking smoking. But the commercials that show patients with a hole in their throat or the magazine ads showing a black and diseased lung have not really been very effective. However new research shows that advertisements that target emotions more broadly seem to work best when trying to prevent smoking. Personal testimonies seem to be the most effective because  they allow the individuals who are viewing them to emotionally identify with the person in the ad helping them find reasons why they themselves should quit smoking.

Guardian- Passive tobacco smoking kills more than 600,000 people in the world every year including about 165,000 children.  The most problematic regions in terms of these smoking deaths are third world countries due to the combination of the dangerous effects of second hand smoke and infectious diseases. Second hand smoke is most problematic in the home and although women smoke less they are more likely to be exposed to second hand smoke in the house.

Addiction Inbox- The electronic cigarette is finally here although in the past the FDA wanted to prevent these cigarettes from being marketed in the US. The decision to allow the marketing of these cigarettes was established as long as they are not targeted to minors. In addition marketing individuals cannot make any claims that the products are safe alternatives to tobacco. These products are a battery powered device that allow its users to “smoke” and inhale nicotine vapor without any fire, smoke, ash or carbon monoxide.

Alcoholism stigma and seeking treatment for drug addiction

Med- Individuals who are diagnosed with alcoholism are 60% less likely to seek treatment because they fear the stigma that is attached to alcoholism. To be an alcoholic means belonging to a stigmatized group, and no one likes that. The goal then should be to educate individuals in order to try to alleviate the stigma that is associated with alcoholism in order to allow more people to seek treatment from it. Reducing the stigma of addiction is a goal we at A3 take very seriously.

Recovery Now-If there is one thing that teenagers hate it is snooping parents by far. What is the parent is snooping for a good reason however? Is snooping around with concern that your child is using drugs or alcohol okay? Although a controversial topic this article looks at the implication of snooping and when it is okay to snoop in teenagers stuff. It is a great read, enjoy!

Crystal meth and Suicide-Veterans and Substance abuse

Honolulu advertiser- Hawaii has the worst crystal meth problem in the country and a school in Hawaii held a national crystal meth awareness day assembly. Forty percent of people arrested by police in Honolulu test positive for meth, and about 30,000 Honolulu residents are hard-core users of meth (with as many as three times more being recreational users). Government officials in Hawaii want to increase spending to make more drug treatment programs available to prison inmates. In addition the general public needs to be educated about the dangers of crystal meth.

Breaking the cycles-“Veterans at Higher Risk for Suicide,” is a radio broadcast which talks about the impacts of war on the mental health of all veterans in California. The issues that the radio broadcasts focuses on are anxiety, depression, and PTSD. The radio broadcast reported that veterans are at higher risk of committing suicide than other individuals who are not in the military. This article continues to address the topics of mental illness and how mental illness is a key risk factor to developing a substance abuse problem.

Posted in:  Education, Links Tags: crystal meth, marijuana, marijuana ise, meth, second hand smoke, smoke, smoking

Harm reduction – Why the bad press for addiction treatment that works?!

October 31st, 2010

How many of you think that giving a crystal meth user condoms will increase their drug use? Probably not many. What if instead the question had to do with giving that same user clean needles rather than having them share a dirty one? Or having him reduce his drug use instead of stopping completely? I bet there would be a little more disagreement there.

Some of you may have heard of the harm-reduction approach to drug abuse counseling and treatment, but many of you likely haven’t because the term itself is essentially taboo in the United States. The idea is to approach the patient (or client) without the shaming or expectations of abstinence that normally come with drug treatment. Instead, the counselors hope to reduce as much of the negative things associated with the drug use.

For example, almost all drug injecting users end up with hepatitis C due to dirty-needle sharing. As in the above example, harm reduction practitioners would seek to provide users with clean needles, thereby reducing needle sharing and the transmission of disease. Risky sexual behavior is often associated with methamphetamine, and crack use; instead of targeting the use itself, often, interventions attempt to reduce unprotected sex, reducing HIV transmission in the process.

Harm reduction has many supporters, but unfortunately, there are at least as many people who are against it. The claim is that harm reduction doesn’t stop drug use, and that we shouldn’t be in the business of making drug use easier. In fact, though they have no data to support it, some people argue that giving users clean needles is likely to exacerbate their drug use. My argument is that life as a drug user is pretty difficult as is, and if we can provide a way to show drug addicts that people actually care about their well-being, we might help some of them see the light.

Even more to the point, my thinking is that HIV, Hepatitis C, and other conditions often helped by harm-reduction, have to be considered as additional societal costs of drug abuse. If harm reduction helps us tackle those collateral costs, I’m all for it as an additional tool.

The bottom line is this: If we can use multiple tools to solve a problem, why limit ourselves unnecessarily to only one? If harm reduction helps, why not use it in conjunction with abstinence treatment?

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, it’s time for us to stop resorting to ridiculous moral judgments and start focusing on solving the problem. If we can help an addict use less, use fewer drugs, or use more responsibly, I say we should go for it!!!

Posted in:  Drugs, Education, For others, Opinions, Sex, Tips, Treatment Tags: clean needles, cocaine, condom, condoms, cost, crystal meth, drug, drug abuse, drug use, harm, harm reduction, harm reduction help, hepatitis, heroin, HIV, meth, needle sharing, reduction, Speed, syringe, use, users clean needles